Sugar Pie’s
Seven Great Teachings
~ The Second Great Teaching ~
GOOD RELATIONSHIPS
You’re probably wondering how my Mom could give me everything I wanted, love me with no strings attached and still get along with me so well. Well, this is a clue to The Second Great Teaching, which has its foundation in The First Great Teaching, Love.
“He’s just a cat,” you may say. “Don’t you have to discipline animals for their own good?”
Well, like I said, I’m not just any old cat. I’m Sugar. I’m a real sweetie.
It’s easy to be sweet, kind and loving if you’re treated with sweetness, kindness and love. And I was. So take a lesson: That’s how it works.
Furthermore, my Mom never punished me. Not once. (Please note the underlined part.) She thought punishment was really stupid and was only for stupid people who went around punishing other people — for their own good, of course. (Hasn’t anybody noticed yet that that doesn’t work????)
When you slap someone’s hands, sooner or later you get your own hands slapped. It’s a dead end street. And it certainly doesn’t lead to good relationships or happy Beings.
Let me give you an example: When I was still very little, my Mom and I went out onto the deck every day. It was very high up and not a place I was likely to try any bungie jumping. One day a wasp came around and started buzzing me. Well, my instincts kicked in and I began to chase it around the deck. I was having a high ole time when my Mom looked over and saw what all the excitement was about. She let out a yelp, exuded fright (it was so thick you could have cut it with a knife), and hauled me (gently, I hasten to mention) inside and closed the screen door.
I got the message loud and clear. I didn’t have to get stung, yelled at, or punished. After that, I meowed (dramatically, of course) whenever a wasp came around so we could both avoid getting stung. I became a HERO (instead of just a nuisance like some dudes who don’t have sensitive moms or dads). Not only was my Mom not annoyed with me, but she was very pleased with me about this.
Sugar, why don’t you pick this one apart for everyone? I know we both think this is an important lesson.
OK, Mom. But cats can be a little direct for most humans. We lack a certain finesse when it comes to these things, but now that I’m not limited to a cat brain any more, I’ll give it a try. Let’s hope they don’t think I’m too crude.
Well, don’t worry about that dear. You’ve already got me calling people who use punishment, “stupid.” How much more crude can you get!
My Analysis of the Story
(1) This was a communication, not a punishment.
(2) It was appropriate to the situation.
(3) It included an appropriate emotional response on the part of the communicator (Mom), which was, of course, a communication in itself.
(4) The emotional response lasted only as long as the situation lasted — it didn’t go on and on and on and on.
(5) There was no yelling, no hitting, no slapping, no annoyance or general nastiness of any kind.
How’s that, Mom? I even put numbers in front of each part. I “organized” them. Cool?
Yes, Sugar. Very cool indeed. Good job! Let’s hear more.
My Conclusions
About
Good Relationships
(1) There are always ways to relate to other Beings that don’t involve hurt and have very effective results (for everyone involved).
(2) When you relate with another Being (cat, dog, human, child, etc.) there is often an emotional component that comes across.
(3) Even if the other Being isn’t aware of the presence of these emotions, they still affect the other Being. (And so do the thoughts you are having.)
(4) If the emotional component (and the thought) is consistent with the situation in “real time,” an effective communication is conveyed in the relationship.
Bravo, Sugar Pie! Good job.
Other Good
Ideas
About Good Relationships
1. Learn to be good at communication.
2. Don’t punish. It hurts.
3. Emotions are natural.
4. An emotion is a feeling, not an action.
5. A natural emotional response usually ends fast.
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Copyright ©2003 First published May 1, 2003, Lauretta Graham, Durga Ma. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including the use of information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from Lauretta Graham, AKA Durga Ma.